Unfortunately I had social media for breakfast today. Prominent on my feed the past 24 hours are topics about men’s ego, marriage values, what are women to men in terms of purpose, the celebration of black fatherhood, and the woman’s part in being courted by a man.
While it seems a lot of men and women are outwardly confessing that men have fragile egos and need validation dispite this “a man must be self sufficient and sacrificial” edifice society gave us; there is still no loud speaker of what happens when a man checks his ego without the over apparent influence of a mother or romantic interest.
Are there any men who have mastered their ego and what does that life look like?
Are there any men have mastered their ego and would contribute that to things other than a women or the pursuit of one?
Of most of the opinions that i hear and see, men don’t follow a discipline without a women as a factor. What’s wrong with that?
Nothing i guess. Yet, something tells me to believe that if the ego needs grooming there is more the one way to do it. Would it not be better if a guy could enter a relationship with his ego in check? What if a man’s stance, upon entering a relationship was, I don’t need you to be a man or to affirm my manhood but I do need you to complete this mission I’m on. And, I do need you to have a mission?
For those of us who maybe facing a matter of fact that there is no life partner for us (gay or straight), there must be some part of this conversation about what causes a man to grow that is more than just the pursuit of a wife and kids. (The Husband and kids idea can be included.)
I understand that men and women come into the game of life with different skill sets and ways of thinking. I do not believe any of that is hardwired. A man can learn to think like a woman. A woman can learn to think like a man.
I also understand that this is not a majority view which is why I seek the perspective of other men on the topic.
For the past several months I have been trying to understand to better address the quiet struggles of men in conversation and activism where I can.
Quiet struggles of men include resources for abused men, identity struggles and validation needs, the boy crisis as it relates to children’s story depiction of the male role, the way the education system teaches and grades boys vs girls, the idea of young boys having to earn love from fathers etc.
I do this first by acknowledging that I am a man of one perspective. Secondly I pay attention to the voices that have filled my social media echo chamber. There are speakers and influencers like Steve Harvey, TD Jakes, Minister Louis Farrahkahn, Dr. Myles Munroe, Dr. Umar Johnson. There are women like Lisa Nichols and Iyanla Vanzant. These are just the loudest or most shared view points on my feed. There are other consistent video makers and writers as well.
Of these views the prominent position is that women are here to help. Men are here to do. This a big generalization of their collective views but its to the point. With that and sometimes against that are the views that a man needs a women to justify him, make him get better, build him up. As if women come into the game not needing men. Or as if, when women are to play on the same team as the men then women must not, should not be in the lead. Whats wrong with that? Nothing?
Is it that, those men who are addressing their fragilities pre-courtship are considered suspect or are not of those considered a man’s man? I surely don’t see or hear of these guys being a part of the men vs women conversation. There are a lot of women talking about doing the work, self assessment, challenge the norm, breakdown your why, take a step back from what society says a man should be and find out where that comes from and who you are. But, where are the men with these messages?
I’m not saying that the mass of these type of voices are quiet in comparison. More over there are few men who welcome the conversation or have their conversation naturally trend into these types of discussion. For most men it’s still gossip, fandom or girls.
Is self betterment only a tool for getting to women? Is it only a pursuit when we want to make an appeal to maintain a relationship? Is it just not important to men until…? Am I not a man among men for thinking this way? Is a man who seeks to master his ego before courtship or partnership less of man? Is there no other purpose for women?
Please advise.
#WDYT